I got chris browned last night
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You can't special order awesome
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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