I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
