I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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