I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
