Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Everclear isn't food dammit
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
