We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
