Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
