help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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