I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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