Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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