Me. At least after what I've been through.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
