Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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