You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
