but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
