At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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