I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
