I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
