What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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