YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
