i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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