I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
