Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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