Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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