i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
