K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
