We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
