Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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