can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
