Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
