I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
