How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
