there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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