Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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