Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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