Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
