sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
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I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
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HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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