Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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