I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
