Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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