I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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