I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
