Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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