He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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