he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
