when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize