I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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