their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
