just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
