Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
