my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
