I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
