I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish you could order shots online.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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