I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
