you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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