Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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