Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize