Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
