Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
