Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
