Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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