It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
