Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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