Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
