Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
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