I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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