white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
