he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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