We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
