My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
