We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
