just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
