omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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