the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish you could order shots online.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
