Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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