the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
