How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
This house was built for laser tag.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
