seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
